Shopping tips

hello all,

For those who don't know, I am what some people might consider "cheap". I would rather use the term "thrifty" or "frugal", but "thrifty" doesn't get your family making the squeaky sound effect when you open your own wallet or the claims that the George Washington printed on my money is actually wearing sunglasses, (because he's not used to the sunlight..doesn’t get out much). It also doesn't help that my family are all Borscht belt comedians.

Now it is true that I like to look for a good bargain, it just makes good sense to me. This has usually served me well in the past...but sometimes it can backfire. I discovered this the other day while in the bathroom, taking care of some necessary business, (much like the cute bears in the Charmin toilet paper spot answering the eternal question, "Do bears (expletive deleted) in the woods) Segue here. I reached over to tear off the necessary amount of T.P, only to have it tear away in shreds. I tried again only to have the same thing happen. Maybe I didn't use enough force, this time I'll really give it a tug. As I watched the roll fly through the air, unraveling along the way, I knew something was amiss. It was only as I rolled the paper back on the roll that I realized that my bargain toilet paper wasn't perforated. It was just one long spool of solid paper. Imagine the roll of paper on top of an adding machine. Now imagine trying to use said paper to wipe your bear bottom with (Charmin callback) and you understand my struggle. What started with me just trying to help my bottom line end with me just hurting my bottom*.

s

*I realize that I'm a grown man saying "bottom". These are difficult times.

the surge

hello all,

disturbing news out of Iraq where remote controlled explosives were strapped to two mentally retarded women and detonated in a crowded market killing at least 73 people.

wow.

Regardless of what you think about the success of the surge, (I think too little too late) one has to wonder how that region ever gets back to some semblance of normalcy.

s

Politics

Hello all,

Well, apparently the political race is heating up. Here are the items as I see them:

1) Mitt (giggle) Romney and John McCain are currently claiming the other is a liberal. I believe the week before, they were both trying to out patriot the other.

2) George Bush gave the state of the union speech last night. By all accounts that I've read, very uninspired and flat. Here is an excerpt from the transcript:

(APPLAUSE DIES DOWN. PRESIDENT APPROACHES MICROPHONE, CLEARS THROAT)

BUSH: "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH....."

(APPLAUSE)

BUSH: "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH..."

3) Obama has received the support and endorsements of not one but two Kennedys. Apparently this is sending the Clinton campaign into over drive and Bill seems to be taking the gloves off. I find it amusing that one of Bill's tactics is to try to drive home the lack of experience Obama has and that what we need now is less inspiration and more perspiration. I seem to recall Mr. Bill using the "inspirational fresh faced bringer of hope" angle when he went against Bush Sr. Now, Clinton is playing the role of the entrenched career politician afraid of change. I actually like Bill Clinton, but he is wrong here. Now is not the time for democratic payback..you had that chance in '04 and you guys were quivering in fear. The country now needs to move forward and right now it seems that Obama is delivering that message.

next..back to the silly

s

Mein taxes...

Hello all,

A light one this morning. I'm in the process of working on my taxes so I'm vacillating between crying over what I made last year/questioning my life choices and procrastinating on the internet.

This is about a week old, but still hilarious and brilliant.



back to the books.

s

Sports Talk

Hello all,

Let it never be said that I don't touch the sports page:












I love these guys..so laid back..so just talkin sports..like you and I. Look they have everything, wacky characters a casual font, a frosty mug of beer and a male model...sign me up.

Sports item #1- In Dallas Cowboys news, (my team) If former coach Bill Parcells was such a bad guy to work for and new coach Wade Phillips is such a breath of fresh air and such a great guy to work for, then why oh why are all of his coaching staff leaving to go work for Parcells? Sorry, my 13 and 3 schedule only to lose the first game in the playoffs bitter pill is still lodged in the back of my throat..tough to swallow.

Sports item #2 - Just as I predicted, Roger Federer is proving to be the loser I thought he would be.
Now granted, it took him 10 straight Grand slam finals and 19 straight wins in Australia to finally prove my point, but the important thing is that I'm right. (Note: favorite sports title regarding this story: "You got Serbed!"..my guess is that the other guy is of Serbian decent)

No football this weekend. Malls everywhere will be filled with silent desperation as husbands and fathers are being forced to interact with their families.

The Roast - Now I understand the concept of the Friar's Club Roast back in the day. A group of comics taking shots at each other behind closed doors. heck, I even remember the Dean Martin Roasts on television. But in these hyper-media, days that we live in with cell phone cameras and all that, why in the world would you risk doing them at all? Well the folks over at ESPN felt that it was worth the risk and the results as usual were mixed, and by mixed I mean hilarious.


Meet ESPN Co-Host, Dana Jacobson. Dana thought it would be a great idea to swill vodka from a bottle (see pic) and scream expletives about Notre Dame during her speech, (to be honest, who hasn't from time to time). Apparently, the head coach of Notre Dame in attendance was not amused.

that's it sports fans. Next time we'll go to the phones.

s

blast from the past

hello all,

I remember watching this newscast oh so many years ago. What started as a typical "Winter is Here" type of news story, ended in local broadcast history. The two male anchors, Tracy Rowlett and the late great Chip Moody were behind their desk in the toasty warm studio while female reporter, Valerie Williams was sent out to cover the severe cold front arriving in the Texas panhandle. What occurred next was nothing short of classic.



What can not be seen with the poor image quality is that as poor Valerie spoke, the viewers could see strands of spittle dangle from her frozen mouth. What helped elevate this to classic status was that this occurred before YouTube or anything else, so once it happened, it wouldn't be seen again until many years later.

s

Buyer's Remorse

hello all,

So I’m sure most of you have heard the news that Al gore has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Congratulations Mr. Gore.

I wonder if America looks back to 2001 and wonders if she should have given the quiet, intellectual guy with the long term potential more consideration. Instead she chose the loud-mouth frat boy with the rich daddy, the guy who could get her into parties and get her drunk. Over time she realizes that there is no real relationship, he’s really only using her to get what he wants before he moves on to something else. Six years later, she is left to wonder why she fell for this Connecticut born and raised guy with the Texas accent in the first place? Intelligence, leadership abilities, decision making skills, compassion, oratory abilities, and vision were all things she looked for in a guy and this guy had none. Did she fall for the image of him in a flight suit in front of a “Mission Accomplished” banner or was it when he would pose for the cameras on his Texas ranch as he cleared brush? Whatever the reason, she realizes that she has to move on. She has given up so much of herself in this relationship that she doesn’t know who she is anymore. Time for a fresh start, ’08 is the year she gets her life back on track. She wonders what that quiet, intellectual guy from 6 years ago will be doing then and would he be available?

s